Wednesday 8 August 2007

Blogging, Boden and Injured Egos

I was somewhat disconcerted to be cyber-name-checked in a national newspaper at the weekend, and not in flattering tones. Apparently some of my fellow bloggers and I represent a twee, Boden-esque world full of Cath Kidston prints and pony club picnics. Blimey, news to me. I moved through shock – never expected to see my name, even my blogging name, in lights – through outrage – how could she have got me so wrong? – to a sort of weary humour. I was going to do the mature thing and rise above it, but my inner child was crying to be released and shout ‘not me’ and stamp my foot. I’m far too apologetic a person to do hissy fits well, but I’ll have a go. So my cyber-name is twee. Well, maybe, although I thought it was just boring. I came up with it in a panic, having decided to enter an online writing competition (and no, of course I didn’t win, though that’s a whole other story), and realising at the last moment that I needed an internet alias. My brain was devoid of inspiration, so I went for the logical – well, I live in Suffolk, and I often write about being a Mum. My husband tells me it’s dull, but I’ve got rather fond of my alter-ego, to the extent of almost responding with ‘Suffolkmum’ when asked my name recently. At least it’s fairly short; just as well we didn’t move to Dumfries and Galloway.

Still, that ill-fated writing competition made me a lot of cyber-friends, and with them I began blogging, out in the big world. I don’t think I would ever have had the courage to do it alone. I wonder if professional writers could ever understand how nerve-wracking it is for those of us who love to write but have never shared anything before, and how easy it is to knock us back. The perils of blogging, I guess, though it just makes me want to retreat from the fray. I clearly never had the guts, never mind the talent, to make it as a writer.

And do I live a mellow country life, pinched from the interiors shots of Country Living and Coast? Do I hell, though I have to admit, there are worse looks. My country life is more about the dull thud of my heart hitting the floor as the bills come in, frustration at rural isolation and a glimmer of understanding of the very real problems that face the damaged, last-gasp rural industries. In a sort of parallel association with the rural world at large, money – or lack of it – has been a leitmotif running through our lives since we moved out here. I don’t have the luxury of fretting over school fees, as the journalist in question implies. Ironically it was economic necessity which drove us out of London in the first place, via Hertfordshire, in search of a simpler, cheaper way of life, of a smaller community – a reverse migration to that which my ancestors had taken, from the uplands of Northumberland and Ireland to the coal pits of Tyneside. Country lanes, sadly, aren’t paved with gold, just mud. Like many families opting out of the madness of city living, we seem to have got worse and worse off, though I admit we’ve traded materialistic comfort for quite a lot of other things, and a lot of it has come about through choices we made. But I bet our income wouldn’t cover a London journalist’s expense account. Broke or not, however, I’m rooted here, impecunious not in a shabby-chic sort of a way, more in an oh-my-God-how-are–we-going-to-pay-the-mortgage sort of way. So no, I don’t wear Boden, though my kids do, often, usually in the form of hand-me-downs and presents, and I really like a lot of the children’s clothes – and they don’t shrink, which is a plus in my book. When you live a forty-mile round trip from the nearest children's department of Next or H&M it's convenient, too. Poor old Boden seems to have become shorthand for middle-class fantasy land, for showing your middle-class credentials without making a statement, and despite liking the children's clothes, I suppose I am as guilty as anyone else of rolling my eyes and recognising it as a kind of uniform.

Suffolk also seems to have become one of those places that journalists like to knock, which makes us laugh, since when we moved here 8 years ago people looked blank when we told them where we were going. We don’t live in the fashionable coastal bit of Suffolk, but you know what, I like going there. I have a vivid memory of my husband and I, the first time we went to Aldeburgh, standing in amazement as mothers called out to their offspring – Arabellas, Hugos, and even an Octavius were heard. We didn’t even know, then, that it was so fashionable. It was just our nearest bit of sea. But it’s fashionable because it’s a lovely old place, and, just to re-ignite a little Norfolk/Suffolk rivalry, it’s not nearly as braying as Burnham Market. But you don’t have to travel very far away from those places to see rural deprivation and towns that North London forgot. You can escape the enclaves very easily, although they’re nice for a while – just as when I take my children back to Northumberland, my childhood home, we play on the wide beaches and explore the limitless countryside, rather than trudging round the industrial heritage that their forefathers helped to create. Doesn’t mean we don’t know it’s there.

But maybe I’m protesting too much; it's all relative. After all, I do live in a very ramshackle cottage, which came complete with an Aga, much to the amusement of my city friends, and I have become obsessed with gardening, that apparently most middle-class and middle-aged of pastimes. I grow hollyhocks and old roses, and only lack of space (we didn’t get the rolling country acres, unfortunately) stops me having chickens. I quite like Cath Kidston and Emma Bridgewater, in small doses . And I think The Waltons and Little House On The Prairie shaped my childhood more than I care to admit. Maybe the vision of children in pigtails and smocked dresses running through fields stuck in my subconscious and shaped my future life. My Mother has a deeply embarrassing recollection of my childhood which she likes to share. Apparently when I was eight I announced that when I grew up, all I wanted to do was be on that cult daytime TV show of the seventies – Mr and Mrs (showing my age now). I have a vivid image of my right-on, city-living, liberated twenty-one-year-old self scowling fiercely at both the child I was and the adult I have become. So Boden blogger, my a*se. Derek Batey, anyone?

56 comments:

Chris Stovell said...

Briliant blog, well said and well written as we would expect from you. I'm so glad you did start blogging as I really enjoy what you write. We too moved for economic reasons but with the aim of trying to make our living doing what we love so there ain't a lot of Boden round here... actually I've inherited two pairs of Rose's jeans today and feel as if I've won the lottery... hardly the stuff of the aspirational pages of a lifestyle magazine! Keep going Suffolkmum!

toady said...

This should be in print in the Times, not the catty , smirky ramblings of that Muir woman.
Excellent blog, well done. ToadyXX

Oooh err readng this back I sound like some school marm. Well take a house point anyway.

Jane said...

It sounds like metrocentric lazy journalism to me - there seems to be a set of media rules that say a move to the country means immediate lack of interest in current events and culture; having chidren means immediate loss of brain; gardening is only interesting if done by some ageing rock star and the possession of a Boden t-shirt or Bridgewater mug is tantimount to embarking a life of school fees and SUVs.

I enjoy your blog
J
x

Zoƫ said...

a metaphoric poke in the eye for all journalists that dont do their research !

wtg, beautifully written xx

Rob Clack said...

One of many things I like about blogging is reading a post as intimate and revealing as this and feeling an overwhelming sense of identity with the community.

I haven't been blogging long, but already I feel part of a group of friends. When they attack you, they attack me, too.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

What a fantastic and eloquent defence of your life, I'm glad you let your inner child out...she is very reasonable by the way, argues well and thinks deeply, she is mature beyond her years!

I love the way you write, and would be rather distraught if you stopped...may I beg you not to?!

Shouldn't the amount of comments you get weigh more heavily with you than some tosh written in a paper? :-)
Pigx

countrymousie said...

Wonderful blog as usual - I did in fact tell someone my name was "mousie" the other day - they stared at me in disbelief - said I looked very un-mousie and I said gosh, sorry, that was a pet name we used at home!! Very twee of me dont you think.
We do live nearer the Suffolk coast as you know and I am surrounded here by the real Boden weekend townies I am afraid. Just had hugs and air kisses with one today actually on the Market Hill. They are off to their French Watermill for a month! "Must do lunch sometime"they mouthed through their Porsche Cayenne window, as I struggled with my co-op bags and prescription from the chemist, and a combine harvester gasket! You get the picture -lots of love mousie xx

Norma Murray said...

Great to hear your views Suffolkmum! I can't understand why these journalists are so acid about other folks comfortable lifestyles. Each to their own I say, and I wear Boden when its on special offer, and charity shop finds, and woolworths, and .....

LITTLE BROWN DOG said...

What can I say, Suffolkmum, that hasn't been said already? You expressed yourself perfectly in your blog, as ever, and in my opinion you're a much better writer than Ms Muir will ever be. That was a truly lazy, slapdash piece of tosh full of cliches and secondhand off-the-peg ideas and so far from the mark it was laughable.

Please keep writing - your blogs are a genuine pleasure to read and shine out with honesty and insight without the need to resort to cheap jibes of the sort Ms Muir feels the need to pad out her vacuous copy with.

Jane said...

I went and read the article - as I suspected it struck me as that holiday time snidey-lazy journalism.

But then I thought - well we aren't meant to be flying on holiday any more and will get the train to Paris in October - and Zoe has expressed the wish to holiday in a yurt next year and Euan would love to have an airstream caravan in the drive and watches them on eBay all the time and the kids wear Boden handdowns cos they are indestructable.

I could tick all these boxes but would be incensed if someone put all these things together to characterise me as a smug, airkissing, walking clothing catalogue.

J
x

Maggie Christie said...

Beautifully put, as always. I still don't think your cyber-name is "twee". Ms Muir deserves a kick up the a*se for getting it all sooo very wrong.

Jan said...

I too saw that last week.
I too bristled.
Your blog is one of the best on the block.
Congratulations.

Exmoorjane said...

Lovely blog as always SM....my view was that it was lazy journalism - maybe she had a very tight deadline (happens) and just hurtled onto the CL site to find some names (CL equating with middle-class twee in her book - and have to say there is a strong element of that there)....it's very clear she didn't read your blog or any of the others.....
Ah, me oh my, the days of expense accounts! How I lament those....my editor once told me off hugely for not racking up enough lunches and taxis when she was away on holiday and I was covering!
However I still say you should write professionally - and I'll keep saying it until you do something about it....you are a fabulous writer and it would be a crime if you didn't get yourself a wider audience....in fact, start by sending this to the editor of The Times! Jxxxx

jackofall said...

"I clearly never had the guts, never mind the talent, to make it as a writer."

Suffolkmum, I know you've got the talent, you've just not let it shine out before you started blogging. And the guts? The fact that you are now prepared to put this brilliant piece up online, to have thought it through and martialled your arguments and put them across so well shows that the guts are coming thorugh as well.

The only downside for me, reading yours, is that I think it's not worth me making the effort, I can't compete. And that's not being self-indulgent, just honest.

By the way, and however, this article about Johnnie Boden makes enlightening reading, makes me respect the man behind the name.

Sally Townsend said...

I knew you would put your point across well, BUT, the funniest thing is that I know the Octavius !!

Grouse said...

Everybody has said it all already......but I just had to add my support here. There is no question of you ever being twee, your writing is always superb and yes, you should be aiming to do it professionally...
Dont be upset by the article....Muir is just a 3rd rate hack and not up to your standard.

Blossomcottage said...

I am like the donkeys tail all behind and everyone has already said the things I would have said, Well Done, Brilliant Blog.
AS far as the name SuffolkMum goes, I really like it. Keeping telling us all about your Suffolk life.
Blossom

mountainear said...

Nicely put SM, your perspective and case put most eloquently.

A rootle through Google has Disraeli as the source of 'Never explain, never apologise.' But we do need to don't we?

Faith said...

Oh SM, what we all love best about you is that you GENUINELY don't think you have the talent.. but you SO do!

I knew you wouldnt be able to resist blogging again! and it was excellent.

patsy said...

Just echoing everyone's comments about your brilliant defence of your position. You sound like a strong woman who has made difficult choices regarding your family's lifestyle but they do seem to be the right ones.
Great writing, keep it up please!
Patsy xx

CAMILLA said...

You should send it off to THE TIMES SM, absolutely brilliant blog, and agree with Exmoorjane, you should begin that book, your writing is wonderful.

It is annoying how some others perceive us. I live in Norfolk, and Jeremy Clarkson once stated that all people here were people made of straw and drove Tractors. I remember when I was in London and used to come to Norfolk for the week-ends, some would say to me; " why do you want to go there, it's all flat"! Well compared to somewhere say like Cornwall it probably is, but I can assure them it's not all flat. Riding my bycicle on the road to Holkham Hall and back I was able to go down hill without touching the pedals.

Keep blogging SM, and you certainly are not twee!

Camilla.xx

Pondside said...

Ditto for me, many times ditto to all that has been said already, and said much better than I could say it.

Rotunda said...

I can not see why "suffolk Mum" sounds twee!!! It sounds nice and good and and homely in the fresh sheets and home made cakes sort of way!!! I love Boden but can't afford it either!!!

I am sure many have told you already but you are a good writer! Thank you I enjoyed your blog!

alice c said...

I think that you have two options. You can laugh and be flattered to have your blog mentioned in a national newspaper and airily say 'all publicity is good publicity' and see it as an opportunity. Or you can gasp and be wounded and explain at length how you live 'in cardboard box on edge of motorway'.
Johnnie Boden has got much more to worry about in terms of damage to his brand name. I admire what he has achieved by attention to what his customers want. He has built up a superb mail order business with an emphasis on quality and customer service. People who choose to buy products from Boden should not be castigated any more than people who buy from Marks and Spencer or Etsy.

ginny said...

The second year that Ginny & I did Country Living Fair an article came out in Sunday Times supplement sneering at the show and all of the twee company names and products. The article named our company and went on to say that we sold table linen and tea towels and that most of the exhibitors had never set foot in the "real" country. The journalist could not have visited our stand as we have never made these products and had obviously just rattled off a few names in the show guide. The comment about being psudo country folk was laughable since both Ginny and I work in a small market town in Hampshire which is still pretty rural. We were really annoyed by the tone of the article and initally felt like writing to the journalist asking her to get her facts right but after calming down we just laughed it off. I suppose at least she noticed your name and now more people will visit your blog and enjoy your writing - she probably inadvertantly did you a favour! Don't let her small mindedness get you down!

Suffolkmum said...

Rotunda - Hello, thanks for stopping by and commenting.

Alice C - no cardboard boxes on the edge of the motorway yet, I'm very happy to report. And as I made clear, I like Boden - personally only the children's clothes. I guess people all react differently.

The Flour Loft - Hello, how hugely annoying that must have been, you're so right, I guess, to laugh it off .... it had become such a 'thing' amongst my blogging friends that I felt moved to respond, but I guess it happens all the time, and in much worse ways!

Fennie said...

Late as always in catching up - but this is a brilliant blog and I echo Jackofall and others in admiring your talent. Each sentence makes you want to read the next one. Do hope you find your niche.

Can recognise so much of what you write about. But the big skies of East Anglia and the thrusting way the grass seems to grow in the Spring (probably the fertiliser run off!) is worth a lot. You also get more sun than we do!

Gigibird said...

There are those that would love to called a Boden type - if I were not shaped like a football I would aspire to the odd garmet or two but old Jonnie fart face get's on my nerves and as I am a black sheep at heart I don't won't to belong in anyones gang least of all his - good for you not wanting to, too

Kitty said...

Nicely put SM.

I was thinking about your poss trip oop north today while looking over the sunlit vale of York from a very high cliff/hill - aah, let me know what you like, walking/abbeys/national trust/moors/villages/ shops/pubs/B&Bs or hotels. I can put together a list. of things to do and see, places to go, places to stay. Because of the nature of my job I have lots of info at my fingertips! Post me a comment on blog with a short wish list. Cx

@themill said...

Everyone has said it so many times but you are a WONDERFUL writer. Eloquent beyond any words I can conjure.

Suffolkmum said...

Gigibird - your comment really made me laugh!

alice c said...

I'm not sure why it is offensive to be called twee but amusing to call somebody else fart face.
Heigh ho - back to the big kids' playground.

Suffolkmum said...

Alice C - you've read the blog, you don't like, shall we leave it there? Horses for courses, clearly.

Elsie Button said...

Suffolk Mum - this was a brilliant post, as usual. as you know I love your blog - you write so amazingly - you just make the reader want to keep on reading and there is disapointment when it finishes. You rock! Forget some arsey journalist! Are you able to say which newspaper and article? would love to read what the silly woman wrote.

Grouse said...

Alice C just doesnt get you at all, SM does she? Another person mouthing off about stuff they dont understand. Ignore her.

Elizabeth Musgrave said...

I thought this was very measured and careful for a rant, as usual, and put very beautifully. I really hope you continue to blog as I would miss having the chance to read you and comment. I know that it all takes time and sometimes I feel I should just get on with living my life rather than writing about it but I think there is value in the process of putting things into words. I emailed Kate Muir (whose pieces I usually like) gently suggesting there was some lazy research going on last week!

Suffolkmum said...

Elsie, thank you, we have a mutual appreciation society going on, you know! I am useless at working out how to do a link to the article in question, but it was in last Saturday's Times, by Kate Muir, her 'Dark Ages' column (which I must admit I do read!)

Tattieweasle said...

Today I was lazing under the Big Yew in the front garden and watching the boys play in the sandpit and pondering life - as one does - and One the joys in recent months has definatley been being part of the purle gang. I am so looking forward to meeting you. Judging from the comments it sounds like the meet up sounds would be in September in Alderbrugh: Dress - Boden of course! All we have to do is single out a date...
One little point - being a journlist has more to do with luck than true talent - and you've got talent in spades! And I should know I've had to sub many a journalsit in my time!

Westerwitch/Headmistress said...

Hi Suffolkmum - brilliant blog - compulsive reading and thought you handled Alice c very well. You can c adjust your comments if you want to and choose who comments. Will ask AA if we can have a blogs attached to Purplecoo which will allow you to select members only to view if you prefer, or only invited members. Plus full privacy with only members on the site able to view. There will be a private members view only forum in the next couple of months . . .

annakarenin said...

Handled superbly,
Suffolkmum 1 Kate Muir 0.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Oops! deleted my first comment by mistake - real techno whiz-kid me. Have to tell you Suffolkmum I love your blogs. Keep it up; you bring your reader along with you, and I do not understand why you don't write professionally.

I wouldn't let an article that was written by someone who doesn't "get it" with regard to the life choices those of us who share your views/ideals.

We may be £-tight but we are millions rich in enjoying life as we choose to live it; our own way, our own taste and none of the frenetic way of city life. If some people don't see it, then it's their loss.

You keep blogging - you brighten our days.

Anonymous said...

Love reading your blog,,very enjoyable....I just love the down to earth approach you have..non of this kiddy onny stuff...just brilliant..

Kathleen said...

i always fiind it amusing when someone else tries to tell about your life...and they obviously knownothing about that which they are talking. They ASSUME they know, but we all know that when we assume, we make an ass out of u and me...in this case she's made one of herself. Whatever happened to honest research of the topic before writing and publishing? Did she do her research in the latest issue of House & Garden?

Uuuufff...I need to get off this rant before I take over your topic...mostly because the same type of thing happens in the US; the idea of "rich" farmers perpetuates when the truth is that most farmers start their careers with over $1 million in debt, to spend their lives in debt to the bank, to eventually have to sell the farm to just survive.

Stay at home dad said...

Journalists have to fill empty space with words, that's all. I find you anything but twee, if that's any consolation!

Anonymous said...

Hi Suffolkmum,thanks for you comment on my blog today,yes iwill take small steps....but as for you wishing for artisic qualities ..wellyour writing is fab...I enjoy reading your blogg,ilove the truthfulness of your entries.....and also love the idea of a cottage with an old aga....lovely....Dont suppose you want any wall murals done for the children or your kitchen ?cost of paint only mind you...I do it for pleasure just now....so get in while the offer is good...all the best...kath aka onceinabluemoon

Ska, not a good mother but working on it said...

only just seen this and immediately googlesd your name to find the article! Not a very good one with asilly commenst denigrating a breed of people she knows nothing baout. Social networking is the new 'old boys club' but thank goodness we women (sorry anybody else who is a man/old boy or anything, I'm not trying to be rude, honest) need some way we can cope with life. Blogging is fab for that reason - we can dip in and out and fit it in with our busy lives. I have made actual and virtual friends through the internet now and if only I'd been able to think of a good name for myself I wouldn't have to use my initials!!
keep at it girl, owards and upwords (our old school motto)(and by the way, where in Herts were you, that's where I am now??)

Ska, not a good mother but working on it said...

i am v bad at typing quickly - onwards and upwards, obviously, sorry miss sharpe!

tim relf said...

Yes, well put indeed. It annoys me too how so many people seem to think that life in rural areas is one long episode of The Darling Buds of May. The countryside has got all of the same problems as urban areas - and quite a few others thrown in for good measure, too.
I ought to make one confession at this point, though. I'm a journalist (although I work for Farmers Weekly so it's hardly the News of the World!)
The expense accounts in journalism, I should also point out, aren't what they used to be. Sadly.

Mike said...

Hello,

We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for
www.BlogInterviewer.com . We'd like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
be submitted online at http://bloginterviewer.com/submit-an-interview

Best regards,

Mike Thomas

FYI The email in your profile is out of date.

Exmoorjane said...

Flipping heck, girl, you've got 50!!!! comments on this blog!
Well, 51 now...
Just wanted to say your comment on mine made me laugh out loud. You're right, of course....and I'm still chuckling. How sad is it to throw a ball endlessly against a wall???? Hmm, MUST come to Suffolk at some point - I would LOVE to meet you. Adrian would approve - his idea of heaven is Adnams....and a mate of his has recently taken over a pub near Southwold (holiday destination of my childhood days). So you never know!

Vintage to Victorian said...

Just found you - well, about ¾ hour ago and I'm so glad I have. I've enjoyed your ramblings (not meant offensively - just couldn't think of another word) and shall pop back from time to time to see how Suffolk life is being lived by 'normal' people!!

Sue

Suffolkmum said...

Thank you Vintage to Victorian (nice name by the way!) Ramblings is absolutely fine ... I have a rambling kind of mind!

Suffolkmum said...

Oops - forgive me - hello Tim - thanks for your comment, I know, I do realise not all journos swank about with flash expense accounts .... (still I bet some do!!)

muddyboots said...

l see tim has found you too? he's editor for farmlife in farmer's weekly. he's ok, did an article on us some while back.

DJ Kirkby said...

I love your blog name and avatar hare. How can this be considered twee? Don't tell me that after 14 years in this country I still don't get British culture? Oh okay well maybe I don't! Your blog is good, send in this post to the same newspaper as a readers letter!